Tag Archives: new year

New Year’s Resolutions

I should have been posting this on the 1st of January, but I was too busy being overwhelmed by the events that took place at a nightclub 1km away from where I live. 

Despite that any last bit of hope for this country has been sucked out of my system by a man with a kalashnikov, I am thankfully still alive, and still breathing through the cracks of the walls that are closing in on us. 

Living here is paradoxical. There’s so much irony trapped in that one word: living. Because are we really? Biologically, yes. But am I actually doing anything extra as to living? I cannot even wander the streets without the possibility of exploding into a million pieces crossing my mind. I speak of it comically because there’s really no other way, unless you want to lose your mind completely. 

Then I think about Syria, or even just eastern Turkey and I realize how pathetic my thoughts are in comparison. They live in death. They live in rubble. They live in the remainders of what used to be. 

I am digressing. What I’m getting at is, I have to keep living. We have to keep living. Our hearts have to keep beating. Because there simply is no other way. I will not go about as if nothing has happened, but the more they try to take my hopes away the more I will hope and the stronger I will dream of a better place and of better days. 

So here’s to my new year’s resolutions:

  1. Live and live more.
  2. Love and love more. 
  3. Write and write more. 
  4. Embrace the woman that I am and that I am constantly becoming. 
  5. Take photos. 
  6. Never stop until your heart stops beating.

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Not so happy, and not so new

I woke up this morning to the terrible news that there had been an attack in Istanbul in a night club. In fact not just a nightclub; one of the most popular and renowned nightclubs of Istanbul, a nightclub that is about a 10 minute walk from where I live, a nightclub that is at the heart of Istanbul.

It saddens me that I am not so surprised by this grotesque massacre. At 00:00 last night I hoped with all my heart that nothing ‘bad’ would happen. Sadly though, what is the new year but just another day? And what better day to attack than on a day that we are overcome by restored hopes and dreams: the early hours of the 1st of January. One man with a gun reminds you of the prevailing presence of fear and hopelessness humanity has become well acquainted with.

Speculate all you want. Do your politics. Shut down Islam. Whatever. It doesn’t change the reality.

People are dying. And some guy with a gun just shot down your hopes too. 


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The first of January. It’s usually a day spent curing hangovers, maybe doing a little bit of reminiscing, and maaaybe a day to get going with some of those new year’s resolutions. It’s also a day when a lot of media outlets publish a ‘best-of’ for the year that has gone by.
So, I scrolled through my Facebook page and it’s mainly covered in blood with a tad of happiness here and there. Attack, after attack, after attack, after bomb, after bomb, after bomb, after death, after death, after hashtag, after hashtag, after hashtag.
We are the world and the world is bleeding.
We are a planet. We are Earth. And the way I was taught, here on Earth, every life counts for one . Nobody’s life is more important than that of another. Everyone is different and everyone is important. Everyone is a heart. And together we are supposed to be one big fat beating heart. We are supposed to have a mutual understanding that we are all different and that that’s okay. Do you know why? Because we all share this planet, and it is just as much mine as it is yours, and it if just as much mine as it is a panda’s; and because much to NASA’s dismay, there aren’t any other planets that we can live on (yet) so we might as well just quit striving for hegemony, pointing fingers, and nit-picking.
(Because like it or not we’ve all got to fucking share.)
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Just a regular post from your regular girl

Another Christmas break is slowly coming to an end…

Every year when these glorious two weeks come around I feel so free, almost as though it’s summer. My brain starts making crazy plans about how much I will do, and how well I will use my time and how much I’ll exercise and eat carefully and read books, and do all the things that I never have time for. And every year, without exception, the end of the holidays arrive when I’m still mid-daydream thinking about the great ways in which I could spend my time. January, why do you always come around so quick?

As cosy and perfect as winters are, time spent at home during the vacation always goes by far too quickly, and suddenly we’re all back to waking up at 7am to a cold, miserable and dark winter morning. I think that’s what’s most unbearable – waking up in the dark. You try to motivate yourself, setting upbeat songs as your alarm, imagining how you will bounce out of bed in the morning feeling fresh – but everything is so gloomy when the sun isn’t around. On the bright side, I’m looking forward to February.

February 2014:

  • In February, at least by the time I get to school, the moon clears out of the way for the sun to resurface and that’s refreshing. Especially if I’m walking to school around 8am.
  • I have a 4-day weekend right after my finals (so relieved about this, I could almost hit fastforward)
  • The last week of February is half-term which means I’m going to Turkey, seeing my grandparents, relatives and friends and buying my graduation ball gown.
  • And most importantly, February means my 18th birthday! I’m actually not that psyched about it being my 18th except that it’s a good excuse to party hard – I’m just excited that it’s my birthday, and I guess the fact that it’s significant is exciting, but it’s also equally frightening. a) because despite that I don’t realize it now, and I probably won’t until I move out, I’m going to be fully responsible of myself and b) because after 18 the number of significant birthdays left is not that many… and also not that exciting. So I guess there’s 20-21, 25… but then what? 30!? But I guess I shouldn’t think so far down the road. BASICALLY,  February = my birthday. And it’s on the weekend of the holidays which might be something to complain about but at least it’s not on a weekday when I feel guilty for not revising for a quiz I have the next day.

All in all, I have hope in February, so please come around soon and pace yourself because I want it to last.

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New Year’s Resolution

I know it’s already the 2nd of January – but it’s never too late.

Last year I made a list of things I wanted for 2013. This year I’m going to keep it short and simple – KISS. I’m going to do what I want and I’m going to be who I want to be. I’m going to be better. As selfish as that may sound, I don’t think I prioritize myself enough and 2014 is going to be a year about me. A year of breaking past silly boundaries, broadening my horizon and gaining confidence. I hope. Well at least I’m going to try.

Happy New Year to everyone! I hope 2014 brings you all the best.

xo just your typical prototype

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