Tag Archives: love

with you by my side.

I wish to rise to rays of sunlight seeping through the curtains, with you by my side.

I wish to lay in bed listening to the early birds, with you by my side.

I wish to take a stroll in the cool sunlight of a summer morning, with you by my side.

I wish to have endless cups of coffee on the front porch, with you by my side.

I wish to sit under the heat and get tan, with you by my side.

I wish to sip on ice cold lemonade, with you by my side.

I wish to hear the tree leaves rustle as the sun leaves our sight, with you by my side.

I wish to fall asleep reading at night, with you by my side.

I wish all of this not knowing why, but that’s okay with you by my side.

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My favourite words of wisdom from Ngozi’s, ‘Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions’

  1. Because you are a girl, is never a reason for anything. Ever.
    It is especially never a reason to stop you from chasing your dreams, passions and aspirations.
  2. Language is the repository of our prejudices, our beliefs, our assumptions.
    There are so many mundane phrases that are inculcated in our daily lives, which imply that men are the superior gender. Most of the time we do not even notice their use. Nonetheless, they play a determining role in our learned-behavior and in societal norms. They send a confused message: “Man up”, for example, while implying that men are stronger, it also construes an image that failing to act in a certain way makes one weak, or “feminine” which is apparently not a desirable look for men. Not only is “manning up” belittling the female sex, it is also advocating toxic masculinity. We must also not forget that language is what we use to think; we cannot think outside of or without the use of a language, which also reinforces this idea that it is the repository of our prejudices, beliefs and assumptions.
  3. Feminism and femininity are not mutually exclusive.
    Feminism does not require you to embrace all of any of the qualities attributed to femininity. You can be a feminist, and be of the male sex. You can be a feminist, and favor non-binary gender.
  4. A father is as much a verb as a mother.
    Fathering a child is just as important.
  5. Being a feminist is like being pregnant. You either are or you are not. You either believe in the full equality of men and women or you do not.
    Anyone who believes that a woman is just as much a human as a man is a feminist. Anyone who believes that a woman has the right to a voice is a feminist.
    You cannot believe that women should have the right to vote, but also believe that it’s okay that they get paid less to do the same job that their male co-workers do; that does not make you a feminist, because that belief is still totally sexist. There’s no such thing as “partial feminism”.
    To be honest, this reminds me of Aziz Ansari, when he was on David Letterman in 2014: “If you believe that men and women have equal rights, if someone asks if you’re feminist, you have to say yes because that is how words work. You can’t be like, ‘Oh yeah, I’m a doctor that primarily does diseases of the skin.’ Oh, so you’re a dermatologist? ‘Oh no, that’s way too aggressive of a word! No no not at all not at all.'”
    (Please note, Ansari’s take on feminism on the show is not flawless.)
  6. Periods are normal and natural, and the human species would not be here if periods did not exist.
    Preach! Honestly, I am yet to understand why periods are taboo. Or why, if a woman is feeling grumpy, or is frustrated and angry about a situation it must be because it’s “that time of the month”. Explain to me the logic of why a woman cannot get angry unless she’s on her period? Do women not get exposed to the same world as men? While a man can yell in bad traffic while running late, does a woman not get exposed to this traffic? Does she live in an alternate world where nothing pisses her off? And if she is pissed off, must she be on her period?
  7. Never speak of marriage as an achievement.
    Marriage always seems to be taught as a milestone in a girls life; it almost seems like we are born with the dream of wearing a white gown in front of a large crowd. But it’s not a milestone; marriage is not a requirement.
  8. The knowledge of cooking does not come pre-installed in a vagina.
    Relevant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pgmx7z49OEk
  9. There must be more than male benevolence as the basis for a woman’s well-being.
    I do not even know how to elaborate on this. Short and concise. We aren’t a  pity party. We are humans.
  10. Women actually don’t need to be championed and revered; they just need to be treated as equal human beings.
    Adichie continues, explaining how there is something patronizing about this. It’s true, I agree. And funnily enough I am exposed to the “championing of women” on International Women’s Day the most. Sometimes companies go out of their way to make ads, advocating for sexual equality. But often, those ads just end up being a weird patronizing two-minute video-clip of how women are heroes and no one should forget that. Nope, that is not we were asking for. Not asking to be heroes, not asking to be angels, not asking to be queens, just asking to be humans.
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Treasure chest

I remember enjoying your smile.
I remember enjoying your company.
I remember how that evolved
Into missing your smile,
And craving your company.

I remember butterflies.
I remember sparks.
I remember sunshine.
I remember rain.

I remember it all.

I miss it all,
And I wish that we could go right back.

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One Love

Music is sacred. You cannot separate any form of art from its grace or spirituality. That’s where its sanctity lies. Artistic expression is something beyond reach… You can try to push it and shove it; you can try to break the spell one song can hold over millions of people, but you will fail. Nothing can touch the power with which music holds people together. Even in face of hatred, music will always transcend, and it will always nurture love.

 

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Being single

Essentially, I think that’s all we ever are: single. Maybe not in the exact way that the word connotes. I don’t want to repeat cliches like, “we are born alone and we die alone”, but that doesn’t make any of them less true. We are all fundamentally alone. We touch lives and we share lives, but that doesn’t make us not alone. It just makes us not lonely.

There’s an indispensable difference between loneliness, and being alone. While loneliness describes being destitute of companions, being alone just means being apart from others which we all are. Mentally, emotionally, physically. Everything and anything which we don’t say out loud, whether it be with words, with writing, or with the emotions that do surface, is our own and it is isolated from everyone and anyone we share the world with.

Relationships allow you to experience this world with someone you care for. But this feeling of companionship is slightly more illusory. Other people can only vicariously comprehend your life through their own eyes. You are never not alone.

So, being single should come like second nature to us, right? Being single should be nothing but mastering the art of being alone, which we all fundamentally are. Doing things for yourself, and striving to be a better version of yourself everyday, that’s what being single should be about. Until you get lonely.

Most often being alone morphs into loneliness. When you start getting tired of discovering and re-discovering both the world, and yourself, and begin feeling unsatisfied with your inability to share your progress with somebody, things get gloomy. You want someone to take interest in your passions, someone to flourish with. Someone you can grow to love, because it gets lonely at the top. Cliche, I know, but maybe cliches are worth more than immediate dismissal. They exemplify common thoughts. And in this particular case, perhaps they offer a reason for us to feel less lonely in our conviction to master being single in adulthood.

Perhaps then, the underlying difficulty in getting over a break up, or forgetting about someone, is to do with all the sharing rather than all the loving. Maybe what we struggle with is not the absence of the hand of a loved one, but the absence of a hand that we grew used to holding, and the absence of a soul to listen and adore the things you adore. It’s not evident at first. You fail to see it through all the brooding. But when all the heartbreak is over, we start longing for that overwhelming warmth in our hearts. We seek a new partner to experience new things with, to share with.  How did that old saying go again? Sharing is caring? Told you cliches are worth more than immediate dismissal. 

The next time you find yourself struggling to move on after a break up, or you feel overcome with the desire for a significant other, remind yourself that we are all alone, and if you start to feel empty, it’s not because you’re alone, it’s because you’re lonely. And hey, guess what? There are so many lonely people. Ergo there are so many people who can’t wait to share their lives with others, to interact, to communicate, and possibly do all of this with you… All you really have to do is listen.

 

 

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Don’t Apologize for Existing

I’m sharing this post mainly because I found a little bit of myself in it. I apologize a lot, I apologize all the time and I apologize for things that I don’t need to apologize for. I never really noticed until people started pointing it out. I’ve thought about it a lot, and I managed to figure it out for myself, but I’ve never been able to put it into words like this. And some parts of this really resonates for me…

Sorry. 

Sorry. 

Pardon. 

Excuse me.

Sorry.

With the onset of my depression and anxiety, “sorry” became my favorite word. Sorry for bumping into you, even if you hardly noticed. Sorry my hair sticks up on one side and I’m not wearing makeup. Sorry I’m so thin when you’re trying to lose weight. Sorry for thinking about how hard it is for me to maintain weight when you’re trying to deal with your own problems. Sorry the gift you bought me doesn’t fit. Sorry.

Sorry. 

Sorry. 

Sorry for being as smart as I am but not pursuing a career in medicine or engineering. Sorry that my leg bounces up and down and it distracted you. Sorry you feel you need to stop wearing your perfume because I’m having breathing problems.

Sorry for taking up space. Sorry for being sad or scared. Sorry for not smiling as brightly as you expect me to, or for not paying you the attention you deserve when you tell me about your day. Sorry for needing a ride instead of growing up and getting a license. Sorry for finally getting a license and not always parking perfectly or taking turns smoothly. Sorry for drawing instead of looking at you because I’ve become too anxious for eye contact.

I didn’t realize how much I was doing it until my dad said, “Stop apologizing for existing.”

“Sorry,” I said, proving his point.

Depression and anxiety told me I was worthless. They told me that I was responsible for fixing everything wrong with the lives of my loved ones. They told me I needed to stop making mistakes. They told me I needed to participate in conversations and get a social life (but they also told me not to hog the spotlight). I always needed to become better or smarter or something. Depression and anxiety told me I was never enough.

They’re still telling me that. And some days, I still believe them.

But on those days I remind myself that depression and anxiety are lying. No one is perfect, and even if I’m not good enough (or so they tell me) I still have value; I can contribute in a positive way to the lives of those around me.

If depression and anxiety are lying to you, that’s OK. Just remind yourself what’s true. And most importantly, don’t apologize: for taking up space, for living your life, for being you.

You are worth more than that. You don’t have to be sorry.

 

Dragon Harris

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01.01.2017

The first of January. It’s usually a day spent curing hangovers, maybe doing a little bit of reminiscing, and maaaybe a day to get going with some of those new year’s resolutions. It’s also a day when a lot of media outlets publish a ‘best-of’ for the year that has gone by.
So, I scrolled through my Facebook page and it’s mainly covered in blood with a tad of happiness here and there. Attack, after attack, after attack, after bomb, after bomb, after bomb, after death, after death, after hashtag, after hashtag, after hashtag.
We are the world and the world is bleeding.
We are a planet. We are Earth. And the way I was taught, here on Earth, every life counts for one . Nobody’s life is more important than that of another. Everyone is different and everyone is important. Everyone is a heart. And together we are supposed to be one big fat beating heart. We are supposed to have a mutual understanding that we are all different and that that’s okay. Do you know why? Because we all share this planet, and it is just as much mine as it is yours, and it if just as much mine as it is a panda’s; and because much to NASA’s dismay, there aren’t any other planets that we can live on (yet) so we might as well just quit striving for hegemony, pointing fingers, and nit-picking.
(Because like it or not we’ve all got to fucking share.)
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To you
A distant memory is all I’ll ever be
Now that I’m gone from you
And you from me.

Gone from you,
Gone for me.

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Today’s Forecast…

Today's Forecast...

An image to lighten up the mood. I got this off one of my favourite blogs, http://thisisnthappiness.com/

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