So my slight hope of a new school, fresh start and new faces has now completely faded.
My mum and I went to meet two of my teachers today to discuss what would be good for my future, and they basically told me to sit my ass down, do the fucking work, and then do whatever the hell I want when I’m older.
A midst all this, I some how don’t know what happened to that whole ‘chase your dreams’ cliche everyone always goes on about. What’s the point if I don’t have the time (or the money to be frank)? I just feel useless. They told me I had a high enough intellectual capacity to continue, get a baccalaureate and then go off, but it sort of feels like they also don’t think I can make it the other way around. And I don’t understand, there’s already a dim enough chance for me ever to be good at anything creative because it’s all a dash of luck and a pinch of talent; so doesn’t wasting my time studying irrelevant things reduce the small chance I have even further? It’s all contradicting. Either they’re telling me I might not make it so I’m better of staying here, or they’re telling me I might not make it so I’m better off staying here. So much for motivation.
The second I actually feel like I’ve found some sense of direction and I know what I want to do it just all comes tumbling down again.
The truth is I’m smart but not necessarily good enough, so I should get my head out of the fucking clouds and do something solid because that’s all that can be guaranteed. What a promise of a future.