So my slight hope of a new school, fresh start and new faces has now completely faded.
My mum and I went to meet two of my teachers today to discuss what would be good for my future, and they basically told me to sit my ass down, do the fucking work, and then do whatever the hell I want when I’m older.
A midst all this, I some how don’t know what happened to that whole ‘chase your dreams’ cliche everyone always goes on about. What’s the point if I don’t have the time (or the money to be frank)? I just feel useless. They told me I had a high enough intellectual capacity to continue, get a baccalaureate and then go off, but it sort of feels like they also don’t think I can make it the other way around. And I don’t understand, there’s already a dim enough chance for me ever to be good at anything creative because it’s all a dash of luck and a pinch of talent; so doesn’t wasting my time studying irrelevant things reduce the small chance I have even further? It’s all contradicting. Either they’re telling me I might not make it so I’m better of staying here, or they’re telling me I  might not make it so I’m better off staying here. So much for motivation.
The second I actually feel like I’ve found some sense of direction and I know what I want to do it just all comes tumbling down again.

The truth is I’m smart but not necessarily good enough, so I should get my head out of the fucking clouds and do something solid because that’s all that can be guaranteed. What a promise of a future.

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2 thoughts on “Desesperee…

  1. I hope your absence for the past week means good things, like celebration of the end of the Mayan calendar, my birthday, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day. If not, then how’s this, whatever anyone says about any of your abilities like your intellectual capacity, is a relative statement framed more by their limitations than yours. For instance, if I call you smart, is that because I’m smart so can see it in you? Is it because I can’t understand you so assume you must be smarter than me? Or is it just that my job requires I call you smart. Either way, I see no reason to let the limitations of others define who you are and what you can be.

    Merry Christmas.

  2. I was going to make a post yesterday, but honestly, I was just too lazy.
    Indeed, my absence was due to celebrations rather than depressions although my upcoming post may say otherwise… 😛
    That’s one way to look at it, and I guess you are right, I wasn’t being to optimistic when writing this post.
    Hope you are enjoying Christmas day 🙂

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